Saturday, March 29, 2008

Self Reflection.

To know how you could go about boosting your self-confidence, you should
first know yourself. Everything starts here. When you know who you are, what
your strengths are, what your limits are, you can then conquer your fears,
you can steel yourself to do the things you have to do.

I am realizing lately that I really have no idea who I am anymore. I am not
saying that out of self pity or that I want someone to save me. I just honestly
realize that I just don't know who I am. I'm tired of it. To personally honest, a lot of my issues have to do with fear of letting go, of crying for days on end, failing, being alone, of never being good enough. Yes, I'm my own worst critic, I realize that I've had a lot of my preconceived notions instilled in me at a young age BUT it was my fault for buying into it for as long as I have.

I have some serious issues that are really becoming more apparent the older that I get. I want a loving, fulfilling relationship and home life but I tend to throw myself into chaotic situations or involve myself with chaotic people. And I look around and realize that's all I know. And in those situations, I give, and I give, and I give. And it has to stop. I have no more of me left to give.

I give for acceptance and fear that people will leave me, completely. That I'm too self involved and I need to worry about others more. I realized that this is wrong. I'm often too selfless and need to work on establishing boundaries with myself.

Promise Pages for Today (Adventure & Health):

My dreams of goals to live a life of health and advenuture:

  • I want to live overseas part time.
  • I want to visit Africa, maybe work at a mission while there.
  • I want to drive cross country.
  • I want to run a 5K or half marathon.
  • I want to lose 25 pounds and maintain.
  • I want to conquer my fear of the water and learn how to swim.

Today I promise too:

  • Get some form of exercise.
  • Get a good nights rest.
  • Treat myself kind.

This Year I Promise To:

  • Travel Out This Country.
  • Get off the eastern timezone.
  • Run 5 miles without stopping.

I Will Always:

  • Be compasionate to myself and others.
  • Take better care of my health.

Friday, March 28, 2008

It Ends Tonight & Begins Here.

March 28, 2008

I start today. No more long, entensive bouts of self destruction. Offamiliar patterns, of being afraid to fall so much that I don't eventry. I start with myself today. I am reading this book, "Get Yours!:How to have everything you want and more. Maybe this is the step Ineed, maybe it will lead me to something greater but at least I knowthat I'm ready to try.

First Step:
My dreams and goals for my happiness are:
• To work at the top of a high placed, creative field. Either anmuseum, record company,
magazine (something in the entertainmentfield).
• To teach as a professor at a university.
• To write a book about my life and my journey.
• To be healthy and always remain in shape.
• Give love, be loved and spread love.
• Maintain residences in the states and abroad.
• Raise children with a loving spouse and promote health, happiness and love, always.

I promise that today I will:
• Stop smoking for good.
• Go to yoga.
• Make decisions good for my overall wellbeing.

This year I promise to:

• Travel off this continent. Alone or with my job.
• Figure out the pathways to get my career started.
• Lose my last 20-30 pounds.
• Paint.
• Get in touch with my spiritual side more.
• Leave my comfort zone.
• Get my finances in order.

I will always:
• Love my immediate family.
• Keep myself safe.
• Keep learning, keep growing.