Sunday, April 13, 2008

In Search of My Missing 'Om'.

I really need to curb these feelings of being “lesser than”. In one of my last posts, I discussed how I always came second to everyone’s expectation of me and that I always have this mental tug of war. If I say I can’t do something or I am not as accessible as before, I feel that I’m shattering their opinion of me and that I can easily be replaced.

I realize this way of thinking is severely flawed, however.

Now, I sit and think. If my being involved in someone’s life is based on what I can do for them and nothing else, I’m really better off alone. I’m not your maid, servant, chauffeur, personal shrink so why do I feel beholding to the people close in my life. Why are my boundaries so skewed? That’s actually a whole other topic, which I’m sure I’ll cover later.

I wouldn’t consider myself “new age” at all, I don’t see anything wrong with it but until recently, I never really bought into the idea of it. Call it the ‘Christian conservative’ side of me but until college, I was around people who identified mostly as Christian and I didn't expand my horizons until then.

So a good friend of mine introduced me to
mantras. Words or sentences that apply to you or the situation that brings you a sense of calmness and peace that aids in bringing you back to center. I was hesitant about posting mine but after reading I was hesitant about posting mine at first but I decided to take the plunge and after reading Semi-Charmed Wife's posting about transforming negative feelings, I decided to throw caution to the wind and just put it all out there.

Since I’m on this journey of finding myself and finding my true center, I came up with a few of them to help me through out some of my more anxious (read, CONTROLLING)times.

My Mantra’s:

1. I am only in control of me and my actions; I can’t handle anyone else’s. Those are their issues. I am not here to save anyone from things that life brings to them. I can't get people to do what I want them to do, just because I think a certain way may be better doesn't mean it's what they want to do. I can't force a change in anyone's life but my own. I need to be strong and secure in who I am before I even try to assist someone else along those lines.

2. I will say no assertively and won’t feel bad about taking time for myself. Growing up around aggressive, opinionated and very narrow minded women, I often felt out casted and never accepted. The only way it seemed that my family actually liked and wanted me around was when I was doing something for them. I easily became the ‘yes girl’ that everyone ran too and I would drop whatever I was doing to help. My sense of self became wrapped up in other people and their satisfaction and when I wasn’t getting it from them; I often became lost and self-destructive.

3. If it feels wrong to me, I won’t do it. This one goes hand in hand with my fear of saying no. I often would involve myself in situations where intuitively I knew the outcome wasn’t good but I didn’t want to rock the boat so I entered into an unhealthy situation to appease the other person.

4. Treat myself the way I expect others to treat me. I recently realized that because I received all my good feelings off of how I made others feel, I never noticed how bad I treated myself in comparision to the other person. The love I bestowed upon another person (who more often than not, didn’t return my feelings), was the exact same thing I should have been giving myself all along. Knowing your boundaries and what you will and will not allow is one of the healthiest things that you can do for yourself. No one has the right to mistake your kindness for weakness. Your feelings are a gift that someone should cherish – family or otherwise – and you should feel that they realize that.

5. Live in the Now & Enjoy it. Self Explanatory, I hope! You can’t change the past, you can’t dictate the future exactly, enjoy the present moment for what it is! This is the simplest to understand but the hardest to do, even for yours truly.

I took to reciting mantra’s rather easily often times I do it aloud (I’m by myself, usually). My next step is to carve out some morning time where I can start a practice of meditation on a particular mantra for that day.

Does anyone else out there in this blog bubble participate in the use of mantras? If so, what is it? Why do you do it and have you noticed a difference? Also, if you don't buy into the mantra hype, please let me know your thoughts as well!


Running Knitter said...

Good post. I especially like number 1. I often say to myself "Don't let someone else control how you act or react to something, and always strive to be the calm in the eye of the storm."

jen said...

Great post--I'm a big believer in the power of mantras and affirmations. It's inspiring to hear how others use them!

Calyx Meredith said...

I feel ridiculous when I say my affirmations but it doesn't matter because they WORK. I don't know how or why but when I say my affirmations regularly and out loud - good stuff - the right stuff - happens. Yours sound well thought out. Best of luck with them.

Vakker Kvinne said...

Love this!